Anyways, THIS GUY.
Sigh... where do I begin? As someone who has seen maybe four episodes of this show, all at different times, and with the most recent one well over a year ago, I have no idea why this guy is the star. I mean... he's kind of lame, his jokes aren't funny, and he just kind of reeks of loser. See, I don't even know enough about the show to tell you what I don't like about him. I just don't like him. Yet, he's the star, and considering TV shows like this usually don't mind switching their cast around, there has to be a reason for it.
And then it hit me.
Horatio Caine is us.
That's right, people of the internet. This guy is EXACTLY what each of us wants to be. In him, we see ourselves as we want to see ourselves. Mr. Caine makes some big enemies in his time, and pulls off some spectacular kills (or so the internet/Wikipedia/IMDb tells me, I'm just kinda rolling with that). He always puts justice and the innocent first. He's generally a badass.
And here's the thing about that: he kinda just comes across as an average Joe. He's not an Arnold Schwarzenegger, more buff than we'll ever be. He's not a Ryan Gosling, more good-looking than we'll ever be. He's not a Rowan Atkinson, funnier than we'll ever be. He's not a Stephen Hawking, more brilliant than we'll ever be (though I'm sure he's pretty sharp, don't get me wrong). He's just kind of a guy, and an incredibly badass one. He has no reason to be badass other than he just is.
And that's what's so appealing about him. All of us average Joes on the internet, either see ourselves or want to see ourselves as much more badass than what we are. Enter Horatio Caine: someone we can identify with because he seems to be just an average guy. He has no unrealistic superpowers. He's not a super-genius like Charlie Eppes. Though his past is far from pleasant, it's not shrouded in mystery like Dean Winchester. This is someone who, through a lot of off-screen hard work and determination we don't like to think about, has achieved a level of awesome we'd all like to see ourselves. He always does the right thing, which obviously we all do every time, right? He's basically John McClane but still has hair.
"But person whose name I probably know but might not," you say, "why are you singling him out instead of John McClane, or Meredith Gray, or Fox Mulder?" Well, to combat your pseudo-random list of characters... it's the one-liners.
These one-liners serve a dual function: first, they de-idolize him in a sense, bringing him from a "perfect" TV character, to someone who sometimes says stupid things. You know, KIND OF LIKE US. Admit it, you say stupid things, too. Their other function is to make it clear to the viewer: regardless of how bad most of his one-liners are, he's still the big bad guy on the scene. By giving him a common trait among us (incredibly bad joke attempts), and showing that it in no way lowers his awesome level, viewers come to sympathize with him, while also hoping "maybe I can be as way past cool as that, since I can TOTALLY come up with better one-liners than he can!"
And so, dear internet, a toast for our idol. For the man we want to be. For Horatio put-your-damn-glasses-on Caine.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.
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