DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS
THAT'S PYOTR ILYICH GODDAMN TCHAIKOVSKY
AND HE IS BETTER THAN YOU IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE
You thought you were happy celebrating Christmas?
WRONG. TIME FOR TCHAIKOVSKYMAS.
Look at some of the things he's done:
Well, first off, he only wrote EVERY GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL MELODY EVER.
He wrote the love theme to EVERY MOVIE WITH A LOVE THEME, and then MADE IT SUPER BADASS.
He wrote a piano concerto that YOU CAN PLAY IN A GODDAMN STRAIGHTJACKET.
He wrote THE MOST PERFORMED PIECE OF CLASSICAL MUSIC OF ALL TIME... oh, and HE HATED IT. IT WAS TOO MAINSTREAM.
I mean, can you REALLY stand up to someone SO GODDAMN MANLY?
Even DANIEL BARENBOIM IS FROZEN IN AWE AT HIS MAJESTY.
Get this. He married this chick, then DUMPED HER ASS BECAUSE HE'S NOT INTO CHICKS.
YEP, HE IS MORE SUCCESSFUL AS A STRAIGHT GUY AND AS A GAY GUY THAN YOU.
How does that make any logical sense? SCREW YOUR LOGIC TCHAIK HAS AN AWESOME BEARD.
So you know how the French lost to Russia in the war of 1812? It's because they fought against Tchaikovsky's orchestra... WHICH HAD CANNONS IN IT.
You know how everyone dreams to play Carnegie Hall? Tchaikovsky INAUGURATED THE GODDAMN THING. FOR REAL. WIKIPEDIA SAYS SO.
So you know how the Five didn't really like Tchaik that much. That's because HE COULD TAKE THEM ALL ON AT ONCE, HE'S PYOTR GODDAMN TCHAIKOVSKY.
His last symphony ends with a super-triumphant third movement... WAIT NOPE THERE'S A FOURTH AND NOW YOU WANT TO CUT YOURSELF IT'S SO GODDAMN EMOTIONAL.
Other composers need to write transitions between their themes in sonata forms. SCREW TRANSITIONS, ALL TCHAIKOVSKY NEEDS IS TWO BARS OF HORN.
So forget about Christmas...
...AND GET YO ASS READY FOR TCHAIKOVSKYMAS.
(...sorry guys, I have no idea why I thought this would be a good idea at all. XD Merry Tchaikovskymas!)
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